Jack and Sue's European Vacation 2018 Begins

Like many Americans, I look to President Trump for inspiration.  I look, and I look, and I look again and find nothing.  That was until just the other day when I began to notice a pattern in his behavior.  Things were going really bad and sad, just like the day before, and the one before that.  What did the Trumpster do?  He went on vacation.

Now you may ask yourself, why do Sue and Jack need to take a vacation?  We live in a vacation spot envied by most of the nation.  Unlike the president, our friends aren't going to jail, sixty percent of the nation doesn't hate us, and we haven't pissed off most of the world but, we still felt we could use one of those vacation things. 

Most recently, the weather has begun to go from very hot and very humid to just regular old hot and humid.   It's a time when you can actually make the trip to the mailbox without a canteen and a change of clothes.  You'll still blister your hand on the metal front door handle but that's nothing a little ice can't fix.  Just put the ice in a glass and add some scotch.

The next problem is the destination.  Where in the world can two Americans go and not feel like they need to offer everyone an apology?  Well, we used to be able to go to Canada, but now even that's off the table.  We decided to go to the one place where even Trump is welcome, Russia.  Yes, Russia, the land of non-stop vodka, smiling babushkas, and funny looking churches with colorful domes that look like onions.

Russian dancers after only three vodkas.

Now Russia isn't one of those places where you just casually show up unannounced.  We would have to sneak up on it in a manner of speaking.  We would casually fly to Paris, take a train north to Amsterdam, and then jump on a boat headed out into the Baltic Sea.  Once out in the Baltic, you can get to Denmark, Estonia, Latvia, Finland, Germany, Lithuania, Poland, Russia, and Sweden.  We decided to pass on Latvia, Poland, and Lithuania.  We don't have anything against those folks, and I understand there are some very nice people there, it's just that our cruise ship doesn't go to those places.

The blue area with the big red dot in the middle
is the Baltic Sea; the yellow dot at the right is in Russia

If you count France and the Netherlands, we would be visiting eight different countries.  The city list would include Paris, Amsterdam, Aarhus, Kiel, Warnemunde, Copenhagen, Stockholm, Tallinn, Helsinki, and St. Petersburg.  Now, Sue and I have been to St. Petersburg many times but we understand that the one in Russia is a bit nicer than the one in Florida.  We already know that Paris France is much nicer than Paris Arkansas, or Paris Idaho, or Paris Illinois, or Paris Kentucky, or Paris Maine, or Swainsboro Georgia.  That last one in Georgia made the list because for a three year period in the 1800's it was known as Paris Georgia.  I know you read these blogs for those little-known facts you can drop into a conversation around the water cooler.  Do they even still have those?


If you've read my vacation blogs before you will notice that I didn't bother you with our months of preparation and my collection of electronics that fills half a suitcase.  We still did all of that but you can read any of my other vacation blogs and know that not much has changed.  Now I need to begin to work on my Canadian accent.  Just talk about ice hockey, drink Molson Canadian, and end every sentence with "eh."  The Canadian accent is so people will think I have a 54-year-old business woman for my president and not the 72-year-old reality show host who, on a good day, is dumber than a room full of Kardashians, eh.

Dumber than a room full of Kardashians