Made it to Paris

Well, the flight across the pond on Air France was delightful, unless you are picky.  The usual Air France congeniality was there, along with good food and wine.  We had exit row seats 26 B & C with extra legroom on our Boeing 777-300ER (77W) Three Class.  These were extra comfort seats for which we paid a slight premium.  What we forgot to specify were two unbroken seats.  Sue's seat wouldn't recline and mine not only reclined, but I could rest my head in the lap of the lady in row 27.  Needless to say, the lady in that row wasn't thrilled with the idea.  My seat back was also seriously damaged on the right side and I would tend to twist toward the aisle.  If I fell asleep my head would eventually go back and to the right.  If this starts to sound like the commentary on the McGruder film, you are not far off.  My head out in the 17" aisle in a darkened cabin was almost as fatal.

Our Seats, 26 B and C

These exit row seats had extra legroom and were close to the bathroom which is an important fact on a 9-hour flight with a septuagenarian bladder.  You will also notice in the diagram above that there are little baby carriages over the bulkhead seats E, F, G, and H.  This area is reserved for families with unruly children.  The little darlings are about to be subjected to nine hours of tight confinement, loud and strange noises, changes in air pressure, and separation anxiety since they were forced to leave behind 2,000 of their favorite toys.  Somehow this isn't a recipe for a quiet happy child.  I guess they have to put the little monsters somewhere but wouldn't it be nicer for them if they were just drugged and placed in a pet carrier.  Someone needs to look into this as a potential solution.  I guess it's just another of life's little complications.

I found that occupying the aisle with my head was a continuing problem as I would doze off and be jarred awake by anyone wider than Olive Oyle of Popeye fame who wanted to pass row 26.  With the bathrooms between row 26 and business class, this was a regular occurrence.  To make matters worse, they turn off the lights on these red-eye flights after dinner service and people trying to navigate the narrow aisles in the dark would regularly walk into the "extra legroom" area I thought I paid for.

I finally got the purser's attention and he used his flashlight and some brute strength to somewhat alleviate Sue's recline problem.  My seat, however, was deemed, in technical airline jargon as BBARRPLOT.  This translates to, Busted Beyond All Reasonable Repair Please Leave On Tarmac.  At least everyone around my section was now awake and almost as miserable as I was.  We now would have almost 4 weeks to recover before we would be in these same seats for the return flight.

Row 26 Seating, Please Leave on Tarmac

We landed and took a taxi to our hotel for the fixed rate of 55 euros.  The taxi was clean and new, the driver was clean cut and wore a tie.  This is unlike Miami where none of those things would be true.  In Miami, taxis are generally just a bit cleaner than a port-a-let on day three of an outdoor rock concert.  The drivers are forced to bathe only on days that don't end in a "y".

We got to our hotel and were pleasantly surprised with a room with a view.  The room was large by Parisian standards, meaning you could put in a king size bed but you wouldn't have any place to walk.  Really, the room was nice and probably bigger than the cabin in which we would be spending two weeks for our cruise in the Baltic.

Our Room View in Paris, the Eiffel Tower is the small stick under the sun.
Foreground Church Saint Severin, built early in the13th Century

We bought our tickets for the Batobus after some considerable effort.  You see, you can buy tickets everywhere, you just can't use them.  You have to find someone to validate them and whoever that is he is harder to find than Waldo.  We started with the Tourism Office who sold us the combo ticket for both the bus and boat.  Nobody seemed to know what to do next.  We went to the boat office and they told us the tickets couldn't be used on the boat until they were certified by a bus driver.  We then made our way to a bus stop half a mile away.  He certified the tickets, gave us some new tickets and receipts.  We could now ride the bus, but couldn't ride on the boat until we took the tickets to a boat office.  We finally made it to a boat ticket office and they processed the package further to issue us tickets that could be used on both a bus or a boat for the next three days.  The Batobus/Open-Tour Bus combo package is a great way to see the city if there is any place left to see after you walk all over Paris to make it through their ticket process.

Paris Batobus Route on River Seine

We used our transportation to see three different museums and got our fill of culture.  We've now seen statues and paintings of more naked men and women than I had hoped to see in one lifetime.  I guess that's what you need to endure if you want to claim to be an art lover.

It seems that most of the paintings were either commissioned by the church or by wealthy patrons.  The latter wanted family portraits.  After seeing several hundred of these, I've come to the conclusion that wealthy people had some really ugly babies.

Henri Rousseau painting of a child

We had lunch up in the Eiffel Tower.  It's been a long time since I paid $400 for lunch.  I know this because never is a very long time.  I also have to say this was one of the best meals I've ever eaten.

Sue in Jules Verne Restaurant in Eiffel Tower

One of the things that could only come with an expensive lunch is a waiter with the unique ability to interrupt a photo you are taking of your half-finished wine glass with a pour timed to perfection.  I had the Trocadero lined up in the background, smartphone camera lined up, finger on the button to take the picture when the waiter decided it was time for a refill.  The results are totally accidental but interesting.

Timing

I was mildly upset with the waiter spoiling my shot until I saw the results.  He got a nice tip and probably thought it was his service.

Jack and Sue's European Vacation 2018 Begins

Like many Americans, I look to President Trump for inspiration.  I look, and I look, and I look again and find nothing.  That was until just the other day when I began to notice a pattern in his behavior.  Things were going really bad and sad, just like the day before, and the one before that.  What did the Trumpster do?  He went on vacation.

Now you may ask yourself, why do Sue and Jack need to take a vacation?  We live in a vacation spot envied by most of the nation.  Unlike the president, our friends aren't going to jail, sixty percent of the nation doesn't hate us, and we haven't pissed off most of the world but, we still felt we could use one of those vacation things. 

Most recently, the weather has begun to go from very hot and very humid to just regular old hot and humid.   It's a time when you can actually make the trip to the mailbox without a canteen and a change of clothes.  You'll still blister your hand on the metal front door handle but that's nothing a little ice can't fix.  Just put the ice in a glass and add some scotch.

The next problem is the destination.  Where in the world can two Americans go and not feel like they need to offer everyone an apology?  Well, we used to be able to go to Canada, but now even that's off the table.  We decided to go to the one place where even Trump is welcome, Russia.  Yes, Russia, the land of non-stop vodka, smiling babushkas, and funny looking churches with colorful domes that look like onions.

Russian dancers after only three vodkas.

Now Russia isn't one of those places where you just casually show up unannounced.  We would have to sneak up on it in a manner of speaking.  We would casually fly to Paris, take a train north to Amsterdam, and then jump on a boat headed out into the Baltic Sea.  Once out in the Baltic, you can get to Denmark, Estonia, Latvia, Finland, Germany, Lithuania, Poland, Russia, and Sweden.  We decided to pass on Latvia, Poland, and Lithuania.  We don't have anything against those folks, and I understand there are some very nice people there, it's just that our cruise ship doesn't go to those places.

The blue area with the big red dot in the middle
is the Baltic Sea; the yellow dot at the right is in Russia

If you count France and the Netherlands, we would be visiting eight different countries.  The city list would include Paris, Amsterdam, Aarhus, Kiel, Warnemunde, Copenhagen, Stockholm, Tallinn, Helsinki, and St. Petersburg.  Now, Sue and I have been to St. Petersburg many times but we understand that the one in Russia is a bit nicer than the one in Florida.  We already know that Paris France is much nicer than Paris Arkansas, or Paris Idaho, or Paris Illinois, or Paris Kentucky, or Paris Maine, or Swainsboro Georgia.  That last one in Georgia made the list because for a three year period in the 1800's it was known as Paris Georgia.  I know you read these blogs for those little-known facts you can drop into a conversation around the water cooler.  Do they even still have those?


If you've read my vacation blogs before you will notice that I didn't bother you with our months of preparation and my collection of electronics that fills half a suitcase.  We still did all of that but you can read any of my other vacation blogs and know that not much has changed.  Now I need to begin to work on my Canadian accent.  Just talk about ice hockey, drink Molson Canadian, and end every sentence with "eh."  The Canadian accent is so people will think I have a 54-year-old business woman for my president and not the 72-year-old reality show host who, on a good day, is dumber than a room full of Kardashians, eh.

Dumber than a room full of Kardashians